My husband and I decided to only have 1 child. We're very happy with this decision and our little girl (Stella) is well adjusted, a social butterfly and seems to enjoy all the aspects of her single child life.
An interesting part of choosing to only have 1 child is the social stigma that comes with it. We get comments all the time, from friends to complete strangers (they seem to be the most opinionated), saying; "Oh that's so sad, she will be so lonely!"
"An only child is a spoiled child."
"That's so selfish of you, to not give her a sibling."
"You'll regret it 10 yrs from now".
Ouch! Yes, it hurts my feelings. These comments upset me and generally spark self-doubt and fear within me, feeding my Ego of course.
Where do these social stigmas come from? Why do we feel compelled to place particular "shoulds" on individuals/communities/cultures? What about respecting what's right for each person and celebrating the conscious choices people make vs guilting or shaming people into choosing differently.
I've observed many times the social misconceptions that happen in Yoga. Especially in the Yoga teacher training world. Many students come to me expressing their desire to take a Yoga teacher training, yet fear their personal practice isn't as "good" as it "should" be.
A good friend of mine, an incredibly talented woman, who has been teaching yoga for over a decade now and is one of the best in Vancouver, has shared her initial thought in regards to her first teacher training, as she didn't think she could teach yoga because she "couldn't balance in headstand". Who said you have to balance in headstand to be a good yoga teacher? Who said your asana (posture) practice had to be at a certain level to be seen as a skill full and valuable teacher? I'm sure glad she didn't let that stop her from embarking on what was a life changing experience.
I've also had many students over the years express their disappointment when they can't achieve specific depth in a particular posture, yet they have been committed to the practice for a certain amount of time. Just because they have been practicing yoga for a months/years doesn't mean they "should" be able to touch their toes or balance on their hands. It's definitely a possibility but there are many factors that come into play when approaching our complex bodies in a complex pose.
It's the unnecessary pressure that we put on ourselves and each other that are limiting us from truly experiencing the joys of the practice or the gifts of conscious Self directed choices. I applaud my daughter when she's given her choices at a restaurant, makes a conscious choice as to what she wants to eat and tells the waitress her decision. Whether she enjoys the food or not, she has made a choice that's right for her at that time and she's open to whatever experience happens from that. It felt right for her. Let's celebrate that. Let's honour each individual as they are and encourage Self inquiry into how we want to feel, how we want to live and experience life, and then from those answers, choose consciously our path from there.
Next time you're at yoga, may you let go of the "shoulds" that your Ego or external community expresses to you and instead listen to your Self. Yes, your big "S" Self, the voice between the inner conversations and choose what's right for you in that moment. No regrets. No doubting. Just enthusiasm and love for the decisions you make, knowing there will be many more to come that will shape and direct your days along the winding path of life.
Proud to be a family of 3.
Love,
Lauren